As she walked down the street, she had knots in her stomach, tears in her eyes and had a rush of emotions. She still could not figure why was she left out? Was the other person smarter? Did she not know enough? What about the hard work that she put in? And then she simply heard “Hey, there you are, we just finished helping them. We are meeting in 30 minutes to finish ours!”
Do we relate to such cognitive rush & these inferences? Anger, anxiety, fear or maybe an emotional mash up with thoughts shooting like darts that seem to hurt. If we dig a level deeper, jealousy & insecurity appear to the surface. There is enough research that suggests that this green-eyed-monster has it’s roots deep in one’s self worth, self-esteem & self-perception.
At some point, all of us go through these emotions. It is obvious these can turn any relationship toxic or even destroy in bits unknowingly. So, a smart resolution kit to manage it well makes it worthwhile. There are 2 parts to the victory – 1 dealing with the situation & people involved & 2nd dealing with your own thoughts as you struggle.
Smart Resolution Kit!
1.Acknowledge: Admit your feelings. Write what is making you jealous and why. Understand your internal dialogue. Be alert to your self-talk. Ask yourself – Is it real? Is it an assumption? Am I Dramatic without proof? Are these my thoughts or what I have been told?
2.Communicate: Yes, understand the whole story. You might have missed details that would give a whole new meaning to the situation. Nobody loves conflict. At times trying and understanding another point of view can be helpful. Often in situations with heightened emotions, communication needs to be tactful, ensuring there is no blame game. Using I Statements & honesty are very important.
3.Resolve: Listen to what comes when you dig the real story. You may not like what is being told but it is a great chance for you to explore, reflect and work things out. Remember, growth comes from an uncomfortable zone, new understandings & a chance to explore the unexplored. You don’t have to accept anything right away, but a negative feedback (if any) is also a feedback which can do with little reflection.
Last but not the least! One needs to remember there will always be someone who will have a skill or a thing or a body part that is maybe better than yours… but hey that doesn’t mean yours is not valuable. What you have is irreplaceable, precious and golden. Someone’s else’s diamond or silver doesn’t change your gold.
Any kind of perfection, shame or comparison on evokes the green-eyed-monster within. So be mindful, have an encouraging internal dialogue & celebrate YOU-niqueness.
